My leg has had a bad ten days or so. My leg and foot, actually.

Firstly, I did a really dumb thing in the name of a practical joke. The following sums up what happened.

A post shared by Grant Robson (@postmanspotting) on

Toe

Then, on Saturday, I was sorting things out in the loft. I decided to wear shoes to protect my feet in the loft. Wise move, eh?

I was at the stage where I was moving a lot of stuff in and out of the loft and through the house. Rather than repeatedly put my shoes on and off, I just left them off. It was at that point that I dropped a large block of wood, which bounced off my unprotected right big toe.

I don’t know if you’ve ever dropped a heavy object onto your toe from a great height, but it’s rather an unpleasant sensation. Oddly, the first thing that you feel is heat. There’s a scream of all sorts of sensations and you’re left in no doubt as to the fact that something has hurt you a lot, but when you look past the cacophony of signals, the dominant initial one is heat.

So, I’m in the loft, and a second or so after the ‘drop’, I’m hopping and waiting to see how much pain I’m in. Yup, it’s a bad one. Wave after wave of toe pain. If it wasn’t for the pain, I’d imagine it would have been funny to see me hopping around the loft. I bumble my way down the loft ladder and remove the sock. Interesting. My big toe has gone blue.

Here is an accurate recreation of the moment it happened:

Toe

A Medal

For the second time in a week, I’m up on the sofa with an ice pack on my right leg / foot. Both times, my own fault. I did share a picture of it at the time on Instagram.

Now (two days later), my toe is so gruesome that I’m not prepared to share a picture of it. It looks like a toe from Shaun of the Dead. My kids seem magnetically attracted to my toe, bumping into it continuously. I should get a medal for not swearing in front of them in the last 48 hours.

I suppose I should point out the context for this accident was that it happened immediately before my wife and two of my daughters had a vomiting bug. Between them chucking up and me hobbling around, we looked like a right sickly mob.

I know you’ll all be anxious to know what’s happening with my toe over the next couple of days. Will the nail come off? (Likely) Will the toe drop off? (I bloody hope not) If there is enough demand, I’ll set up @PostmansToe on Twitter and Instagram. There’ll be copycat accounts shortly after, I imagine. (I am joking, by the way.)

A pretty rubbish Bank Holiday weekend, all in all!