The legislation passed by the Scottish Government is unimaginably important. Here are some of note.

The Products Containing Meat etc. (Scotland) Regulations 2014

The ‘etc’ bit worries me. If you were in a restaurant and you asked the waiter what was in something, and he replied “meat, etc” you’d raise an eyebrow or two. You certainly wouldn’t order it. This bit of legislation clarifies what, exactly, meat is.

“meat” means the skeletal muscles of mammalian and bird species recognised as fit for human consumption with naturally included or adherent tissue

Mmmmm. Adherent Tissue. Also, if you’re unsure what the word ‘uncooked’ means, here’s the bit for you.

“uncooked”, in relation to a food, means a food that has not been subjected to a process of cooking throughout the whole food so that the food is sold on the basis that it will need further cooking before consumption.

Glad we’ve got that cleared up.

The Orkney Islands (Landing of Crabs and Lobsters) Order 2016

The high point in this publication is Schedule 1 – the Measure of the Size of a Green Crab. What’s that, you say? You have a green crab that you need to measure but you’re not sure of the correct measuring protocol. Let this legislation assist you.

sl-crab

Now, how different would your day have been if you didn’t have this knowledge to hand? You’re welcome.

The Fireworks (Scotland) Amendment Regulations 2016

Sadly, this amendment removes “cracker snap”,“novelty match”,“party popper”, “pyrotechnic composition”, “serpent”, “sparkler” and “throwdown” from the Fireworks (Scotland) Regulations 2004.
It’s a touch depressing to think that these joyous words no longer have a valid definition within Scots law. FYI, a serpent was previously –

a firework, comprising a pre-formed shape of pyrotechnic composition, with or without support, whose functioning involves the generation of expanded residue.

So there you go.

The Tweed Regulation Amendment Order 2015

I really wanted these regulations to closely define one of our national fabrics as “rough, woollen and prone to chafing” but it doesn’t refer to the material at all.

Instead, it’s to do with rivers and merely confirms that “no person may retain any salmon caught by rod and line” during the defined period. It would have been better to have defined “a plain weave, twill or herringbone structure for nifty trousers“.

In Brief

My other favourites are The Little Loch Broom Scallops Several Fishery Order 2015 which tells us that “the harvesting of scallops must be carried out manually by divers” – as it should be!

The Alien and Locally Absent Species in Aquaculture (Scotland) Regulations 2015 doesn’t tell us what happens if E.T. arrives in a submarine. It does reveal that the rainbow trout’s latin name is Oncorhynchus Mykiss, which is rather sweet.

I won’t go into details about the The Bovine Viral Diarrhoea (Scotland) Order 2013. Barf.

Finally, if you like your legislation short and snappy, then you’ll probably want to stay away from The A90 and A96 Trunk Roads (Aberdeen Western Peripheral Route/Balmedie to Tipperty) (Stonehaven Bypass, Portlethen, Murcar to South Ellon and Blackburn to Bucksburn) (Temporary Prohibition of Traffic, Specified Turns, Overtaking and Speed Restrictions) Order 2015.

And stay away from the road itself too. You’re practically only permitted to drive there if you’re in command of a tractor doing between 15 and 18 mph and driving with an accurately measure green crab. Funny that.